


An End and a Beginning

by Evanscent



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 16:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 18,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evanscent/pseuds/Evanscent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tauriel finds that there may be a path to bring Kili back to life. The path is one of Durin the Deathless and centuries old. The road is forgotten. How will Tauriel find Kili and bring him back from the dark?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had hoped someone else would take up this idea to write, since almost anyone else could write it better than I!
> 
> I kept with the "dwarf" and "dwarven" as it made more sense to me as I typed it.
> 
> To Kili and Tauriel. Forever.

An End and a Beginning

The wind tore at her long hair, whipping it up into a storm of rust and filigree. Her cheeks were damp, her eyes swollen. From a distance, she watched the flames and the lines of dwarves and men as they surrounded three monuments: graves.

The Line of Durin. Thorin Oakenshield. Fili. Kili. They were putting their bodies into the ground.

The wind nearly swallowed the low sound of the dwarves’ song. Three stone coffins were lowered into the dirt, statues rose above, showing each of the lost during their lives. Her horse tramped impatiently; he knew they were to be leaving.

Tauriel turned her back to the procession and began down the side of the mountain. She took no path for she wanted none. She felt lost and unprepared for the future. She meant to leave Middle Earth. There was nothing for her here. Legolas had retreated to the North at the behest of his father. She remained banned from her homeland, a captain with no guard. And now, her heart had shattered in her chest as the one she had only now discovered she had truly loved was gone.

Rocks rained down the side of the mountain as her horse looked for the path of least resistance. From an unseen edge, the rocks tumbled into a ravine and clattered with an echo. She paused at the cliff’s end and stared down into the darkness below.

With the parting of the clouds, the sunlight filled the darkness, exposing a great wall with dwarven carvings etched within the granite. The music was gone. A sudden stillness came over the side of the mountain as the wind settled and died. Her horse made impatient noises, his teeth grating on his bit. 

“I need to see.” She pulled her unhappy ride down the ravine’s side to enter the shrine. She dismounted and set her heels into the ancient rock. The great wall towered over her; giant statues of dwarves were carved into relief in the dark stone. With her fingertips she touched an enormous boot, the rock cool and smooth.

She gazed upon the great wall. On one side, images depicted the death of one of their own. A funeral and a great feast were given in his honor. Tauriel sniffed. Surely the remaining Company had written dirges and ballads honoring their fallen. Surely the dwarves were drinking as they celebrated the lives and accomplishments of their brethren. Surely, someone was drinking a pint for Kili. She was certain that all those in Middle Earth would remember what had happened these last few days for centuries. 

Someone would remember always. She would never forget.

On the other side of the wall, the fallen dwarf had what looked like his soul returned to him. He rose from his grave and met his kin at the feast given for his own death. The elf stared, creases at her eyes forming as she struggled to understand the Khuzdul glyphs that scrawled at the feet of the carvings.

Her heart began to race. She paced down the line of the wall, her footsteps echoing in the nothingness that surrounded her. Her hands reached out as she attempted to understand the story portrayed before her. “He fell in battle. They buried him.” She stole a glance to her horse, excited. “One of the dwarves left the funeral. He traveled somewhere far away, somewhere… somewhere underground.” Understanding the images became difficult. She attempted to put the scrawlings in place with the story, but she understood very little of the dwarven written word. “He sought out the soul of his fallen friend and brought it back to the surface. He laid the soul down on the dwarves’ grave. The fallen dwarf rose to life and he and his friend went back to the feast.”

Could it be true? Her face cleared, her mouth open. “Kili,” she breathed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had typed this up for my Tumblr, so the pieces are very short. It's also easier for me!

Flinging herself to the ground from her exhausted mount, she was instantly running through the broken entrance of the great dwarf city. She raced through the hallways, searching for a single face. “Balin!”

Everywhere she looked, dwarves tossed rolls, slammed pints, danced on tables and cheered uproariously. “Balin!” For what seemed like hours, she scoured the great halls of Erebor, now bursting with dwarves and men, flowing with wine and ales, the air filled with sounds of celebration, for the grey bearded dwarf of the original Company.

“Balin!” she sighed exasperatedly when she finally found him at Dain’s table.

Pleased, but mildly surprised to see the elf maiden rush through his home, Balin got to his feet to usher her to the table to share in the feast. “Come! Sit with me! We will drink over our victory!”

Tauriel’s head shook as she caught her breath. She could not sit. She could not stand. She must move. “Balin, I discovered a wall, a carving, on the face of the mountain just across the horizon. It’s ancient. It must be as old as Erebor-“

“Yes, yes, the Wall of Mahal… Aule. It was forgotten… it holds a shrine to our Maker and Shaper, Aule and Iluvatar.”

“The Wall. It shows a dwarf. He died-“

“Durin the Deathless. Aye. He was said to have risen six times. He lived seven lives. He fathered the Longbeards – his, my – people.”

“Balin. How? How was he risen?”

“It was said he was reincarnated… not exactly risen.” Balin was beginning to wonder where the she-elf was taking all this. She looked desperate.

“No, the Wall – the Wall – it shows someone fetching something – fetching him. He was brought back, Balin. Where was he brought from?”

The grey bearded dwarf let out a curse and threw up his arms. “You think you can… This is madness. It’s a legend! It was centuries ago! No one walks right up to the front door of the Valar and asks, ‘Oh, by the way, can I have my friend back?’!”

Unshed tears filled Tauriel’s eyes. The pain in her chest twisted near violently. “Balin. I must try. Please… you must help me. I cannot live a lifetime in pain. I cannot live without knowing. I cannot live without…”

Somewhere deep inside, Balin felt for the she-elf. He ushered the maiden deeper into Erebor, down into their forgotten libraries. Down, deep into the heart of the mountain. Down, deep where no elf had ever ventured, and no dwarf had breathed since the Wyrm Smaug twisted their home into his own.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about her retrieving the runestone from Kili before she began her journey. But who wants to open a grave? And I'm sure Tauriel knew where and what Valinor was... but no one seems to be certain where dwarves go when they die. Hmmm...

Tauriel’s nose wrinkled. The depths of the mountain reeked of dragon. It was an ashy, filthy smell, reminding her of the acid of death and the rotten decay of life.

Balin seemed unaffected. He had been staying within the walls of Erebor for weeks, though. Mayhaps he was used to it? The dwarf muttered to himself as he walked this way and that, weaving through tunnels and rooms. Occasionally they would back track or turn around as Balin seemed to have either changed his mind, or remembered something else.

“Thorin always complained about where the books were kept. Too close to the forges, he says. Damage the pages, aye! Moved them, we did! But I can’t seem to recall as to where… Ridiculous. Forgotten days. No one would ever attempt it again.”

The elf took it in stride, knowing she could not embark on her journey until she had a destination. Balin could give her that destination. She remained quiet, patient, and walked far enough behind him that she did not bump him or disrupt him while he made up his mind. She would make the very same journey as the dwarves of old and she would return Kili to his body. She needed Balin to tell her where.

Finally they made it to a series of room shared by one larger ceiling. The walls were full of shelves bursting with books and papers. Great piles of paper were precariously left at the ends of tables, shoved into corners and rested on benches. Everything looked incredibly unorganized. He began to shuffle papers and books, quickly assessing what was of import and what wasn’t.

“Wait, lass. Wait. Patience is a virtue,” he rumbled into his texts.

A pain expression fluttered over her countenance. Each day hurt more than the last, it felt. But she could wait. She could wait a life time if it meant she could try again. She stood stiffly, holding her elbows in her palms. She felt like she could feel herself age.

“Now what was it you were wanting? Where Durin the Deathless was risen from?” Balin’s pipe had found its way between his teeth, though no flame was lit.

She nodded impatiently, “Yes. They brought him back from somewhere. Where?”

Balin grumbled and remained fixed on his books. He moved from one table to the next. “And you’re thinking what, lass? That you can find Kili and bring him back? From the dead? You want to yank him from the next world?”

Tauriel closed her eyes. What was death to a dwarf? Are they in Heaven? In Hell? Do they feel pain? Longing? Does he still ache for her as she does for him? Or is he in bliss? Forgotten are his wounds, forgotten are his deeds undone. Would taking him away be cursing him all over again?

“I have to believe, Balin. I have to believe that he would want to be alive more than he would want to be dead. I believe he would want to be here. With you. With his king.” She paused and looked up, making certain her eyes were filled with the steel that shot through her, “With me. He was taken, he did not leave. He was stolen.”

“Dwarves are mortal. We do die.”

Tears trickled down her cheeks. “You think I do not know that, Balin? You think that I do not care that I will watch him grow old and weak? That I will care for him while he is infirm? I will bury him. I will watch him die. But he will die after we have lived. I will have given him all that I am and I will live knowing I shared something with him that I will never share again. I will live on and I will never forget.”

Balin nodded, his teeth working on his pipe before he moved to yet another piled table. “And you love him?”

Her tears dried as she smiled and laughed softly. “I do not know the name of the music that gives my heart life. I do not know if it is love that I felt each time I saw him, each time we were near, that made my skin feel as though I had swallowed the very moon.” She wiped at her eyes, her mouth turning down as she continued, “But I know that it is pain that I feel with his loss. That it is agony to think of living in this world without him. I know I feel as though I have my own daggers thrust into my breast. I know I long for what could never be. And I know now, that I am willing to give everything to feel like I felt before. If that is love, dwarf, yes, yes, I loved him.”

The grey bearded dwarf paused. He set the papers down and he moved before her. He reached out and pulled her hands into his. “I don’t know if you can bring him back, Tauriel. I don’t know if you’ll ever find what you’re looking for. But I believe you.”

She smiled, a bittersweet half-smile. “Thank you,” she sniffled.

“Now, lass, you must be off. You’re headed to that land beyond the sea after all.”

“Valinor?”

“Aye. Valinor is where the Valar dwell. There, you can find Alue southwest of the Pelori mountains. It is not known where the dwarves go… The Hall of Mandos is for men and elves. So you must ask Aule himself. Find him and find Kili.”

She nodded. She would leave Middle Earth. But she would return. She would return with Kili and bring him breath again.

“Go, lass! Not a moment to spare! He may be dead, but I’m sure he’s waiting for you!”

Tauriel galloped away from Erebor, her heart thudding in her chest. She beckoned her horse to pause over the three graves, three statues of the Sons of Durin gazed out at her. “I’m coming, Kili. I swear it.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dreamed this (more or less). So it's only fair they dream too.

She gasped as his soft lips, roughened by the short hairs of his mustache and beard, captured her nipple through her shirt. She could not swallow back the groan of pleasure that gurgled through her. Her hands gripped at his hair. Ye Valar, his hair. She could grip and tug, pull and stream, she could bury her face, her hands, in his hair. He smelled of Earth. He smelled of Home.

“Amralime,” he breathed into her skin before his lips once again encircled her tight nipple. His teeth grazed the sensitive nub, his hands diving down her body to grip her hips. His hands were powerful. His palms were larger than hers, beefy and calloused from war. He gripped her tight and rocked her body against his.

“Kili!” she cried out. She awoke with a start. The dreams were getting more potent, more frequent and were impossible to ignore. They began moments after his death and fueled the pain that broke over her body like molten lava. She longed for him. Just to be near him. She could not forget him even in sleep.

While she normally slept only rarely, she found herself sleeping each night and exhausted if she did not. She felt as though a weight upon her would only lessen after resting. She was certain she was ill.

She had made it to Rivendell without incident. She would wait here, albeit briefly, for the next boat ready to depart the world of Men for the world of Elves. She dressed quickly and made her way to the kitchens. She was quietly eating breakfast, alone, nestled in an alcove away from the terraces filled with elves as they chatted and ate when Arwen found her.

“May I sit here?” Arwen asked politely.

“If it would please you,” Tauriel replied. She was not a Sindarian elf as she was from the Mirkwood and although Elrond had allowed her both passage into Rivendell and Valinor, she was still an outcast. She was unaccustomed to the whipping lash of the tongues from her own people and was also unprepared to find a friend.

Arwen was Elrond’s daughter. A Princess. She was as though Beauty Itself found a bodily host and lived among the people. Tauriel did her best not to stare.

“I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you. You seem unwell, my friend.”

Tauriel gave her a tight smile. “I came from the Lonely Mountain. I have fought for many days. I am tired.”

Arwen reached out and cupped one of Tauriel’s hands. “You are broken hearted. You are restless while you wait. You have something important to do in Valinor and you are unsure of your task.”

Tauriel only stared back at her, suddenly feeling her heart beating in her mouth.

“His name. You cry it out at night.”

A blush, deep red and swift, covered her. “Forgive me…”

“Is he your lost lover?”

She shook her head with quick, sudden movements.

“But you love him. And he is gone.”

Tauriel bit down on her lower lip to attempt to keep herself from crying. Who was this elf? Why is she discussing such painful things?

“He waits for you. That is why you dream. He seeks you out, even in death. That is why you must sleep. You must dream. Keep him as close as you can. You will find him.”

Tauriel felt her heart open inside her chest. Her eyes poured tears she didn’t dare touch. He waits for me? He still wants me. He still misses me. He wants to come home.

Arwen’s fingers threaded through Tauriel’s. “I love a Man. He is not only a Man. But…” Her eyes cast a look over the terrace. “They do not understand. They do not accept. You must never let anyone decide except your heart.”

The wood elf nodded her head, unsure she could speak.

“They will test you. The Valar do not so easily part with the dead.”

Steel and emeralds filled Tauriel’s eyes, the lattice work of the gems in her eyes hardened.

“Good,” admired Arwen. “You must not falter. You can retrieve your love. Remember, never let anyone decide for you. Only your heart can tell you the truth.”

Still unable to speak and uncertain she could give her emotions and her thanks justice, Tauriel kissed the back of Arwen’s hand as the maiden stood.

Arwen’s arm came to her heart and extended out. It was an elven gesture Tauriel understood and returned in kind. She had found someone she could trust in Rivendell.

Night time in Rivendell was quiet. There was distant music, harps and flutes, from somewhere in the trees. Tauriel basked in the starlight each night before bed. She sat upon the empty terraces, the wind in her hair, the stars at her face, and she attempted to think nothing at all.

Tonight was different. Tonight she looked forward to dreaming.

She pulled down her sheets to find a bottle and a note. Surely Arwen had left her something.

_“Drink small doses. Speak to him in your dreams. Find him.”_

Tearing free the wax, Tauriel sniffed the potion before sipping it. It smelled and tasted of the evening flowers that bloom in the moonlight. She climbed into bed and closed her eyes, waiting impatiently for her dreams to take her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happens in dreams, stays in dreams...

“Tauriel.”

She was standing on a rocky hill. The sky was dark. So dark there were no stars, no moon, no light from above, yet she could see like it was daylight. It was chilling. Fear, an icy hand, felt like it crawled along her spine.

“Tauriel!”

She whipped around. Kili faced her, eyes wide and expectant.

“You’re here?”

“In a dream. I was given a gift. A way to speak to you.” He stretched out his arms. She took his hand and moved to him. She pressed her forehead to his, her eyes meeting his. “I am coming for you.”

“I know.” He smiled roguishly. “You haven’t had enough of me yet.”

“I hope to have a lifetime of you,” she whispered, her lips across the top of his head.

“Tauriel. You be careful,” his hands gripped her shoulders, thumbs stroking in slow circles over her muscles.

“I must find you, Kili. How do I find you? Where are you?”

“I wish I could help you more. I am here. That is all I know.”

She held him close, her chin resting on his head. “How will I know where to look?”

“I saw you kiss me, you know.”

She moved to look at him. He was smug. A smirk raked over his unshaven face. “When I died. You kissed me.”

She smiled prettily, her cheeks warming, “You were an awful kisser.”

Kili’s mouth dropped open briefly in disbelief, “I was dead!”

She began to laugh, her hair floating around them. He gave her very little warning, nothing more than a short growl, before he yanked her down and kissed her mouth roughly.

“Is that better?” he groused, keeping her face level with his. “Or shall I show you more?”

“Dearest. I have yet to read ballads dedicated to your love skills. Is this, in fact, a dream?”

Feigning offense and eyes alight with laughter, Kili’s hands smoothed along her cheeks. “You tease me, elf.”

“Shall I lie down and pretend to be dead for you to kiss me properly?”

He grinned foolishly at her before pressing his mouth to hers. She felt his short beard and his warm mouth. She stooped low, her hands on his shoulders. He kissed her slowly, his mouth exploring hers with a gentle press and delicate sweep of his lips. His hands gripped her hips and encircled her waist as he pulled her against him. He slanted his mouth, teeth grazing the very surface of her lips. His tongue, warm and soft, smoothed over the flesh in turn behind his teeth.

Tauriel felt the stars realign in her world. The world had spun so slowly and now felt as though it had stopped altogether. She felt, more than heard, her throat work loose a low groan.

He pulled away, eyes blinking in the darkness. His mouth, wet with his kiss, was all she could focus on. He brought his lower lip between his teeth to taste her again. He sighed with deep satisfaction. “Does that count as proper?”

Her eyes worked to move from his mouth as she remembered to breathe. “Yes,” she managed. Her knees met the ground and she leaned into him, feeling as though she had just run through the forest from end to beginning. Her head felt as though it was spinning.

He held her near, fingers working through her hair. “Tauriel. It’s time to wake. Will you see me again?”

Her hands tightened in his clothes. “Yes. Yes, tomorrow night. I will come every night.”

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

“Kili,” she gasped, “You must help me find you. Please.”

He nodded to her, his fingertips falling from her hair.

She awoke. Alone. In bed. The sheets were twisted around her. Her mouth felt wet. She licked her lips and smiled. “I will find you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo. Arwen, right? Gettin' it on with Strider? Amiright? Ahem.
> 
> Feedback for this story has been phenomenal. Better than any of my postings... like... ever. =D
> 
> So, thank you again to all those who read, leave kudos, and those take the time to comment. It's so awesome to find little notes in my e-mail and to see people actually like what's happening. I know it's not the best, friends, but it's what I've got and it is so cool that people want to share it!
> 
> Thanks again for the positive energy and support.

Arwen sought her again at breakfast. She smiled and sat with her on the terrace instead of away in the alcove. “I see you got my gift,” she greeted the wood elf.

“Thank you, friend. Yes. It is the most precious gift I have ever been given.” Tauriel took Arwen’s hand in hers, squeezing it firmly.

“Do not drink too much. Too much and you will never wake,” she warned with a frown.

Tauriel nodded gravely. “I understand. But, Arwen. He does not know where he is. How am I to find him?”

Arwen’s eyes were troubled. “I do not know. He must look. He must help you. Do you remember what you saw?”

“We were on a rocky hill. There were no stars, no moon. There was darkness all around. But we could see each other. It was like that was all we could see… nothing more.”

“Each night, gather what you can. You can go to him every night until you leave. Once you enter the sea, the magic will change and you will not longer be able to dream like this.”

Tauriel’s brow knit. She must think of a way to find him. There must be a way.

Breakfast became Tauriel’s favorite meal as she was always met with her friend, Arwen. She never ate alone or on the terrace as long as Arwen was near. Yet, she never saw her for other meals. One morning she had asked, “Arwen, do you not eat in the halls for other meals?”

“I eat with my father. He keeps an eye on me in this way. So I am not out, carousing with that man.” Her head bobbed as she made sure her tone was in jest. “He wishes me only happiness…” she muttered sadly.

“Happiness?”

“Men are not known for their long lives. Though a Dunedane and will live longer, it is not an everlasting life such as an elf. My father fears I would separate myself from my people and chose to live as a mortal for this man. I would die. My father fears for this.”

“Is it not worth your happiness to find love?”

“Yes, Tauriel. Yes, which is why my father attempts to keep me here.”

“Kili is… mortal,” she revealed.

“Kili is short,” Arwen amended.

“You know!” Tauriel gasped and hid her mouth with her hands.

“My father knows many things. Thorin, King Under the Mountain fell with his nephews. The line of Durin was broken.”

Tauriel blushed again and bowed her head, not daring to look beyond her fruit and greens. “It is true. He is a dwarf. But he grows larger in my heart every night. He’s… funny. He’s different. He once told me that he felt alive when I was near him. I feel the same.”

“Aye,” Arwen closed her eyes, her hands again arresting Tauriel’s in a gentle grasp. “The men we love, they light fires within us that we had not known were cooled. They bring us such happiness, such pleasures. But such pain and longing.”

It became clear in that moment, Tauriel realized, that Arwen did not have any prejudices against the man she had fallen in love with. She recognized that love did not see races and only into the hearts of those involved.

“What of the man whom has your affections, Arwen? Who is he?”

A mischievous look bubbled over the elf’s countenance. “He is a Ranger. A man of the wilds. He was raised by my people. There is much of him that is secret, including his affections for me.”

Arwen looked as though she wanted to tell more to her friend, but instead excused herself from the table. “I must meet my father,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. Perhaps speaking of her man had given the elf some inclination to defy her father’s will again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet, like our favorite dwarf.

Daylight seemed to pass as slowly as ever. She wandered halls, ignoring the whispers and the pools of elves that seemed to avoid her all too well. She made her way to the libraries of Rivendell, home of the Sword of Isildur and books forgotten to time. There, she poured over as many ancient texts as she could.

She discovered much about the Valar she would soon come face to face with. She learned that the dwarven language, Khuzdul, was given a written meaning by her ancestors as it was once only oral. She learned that elves are not immortal in the truest sense, not like the Valar. She learned she could fall asleep while sitting in a chair with only one candle to give her light.

Kili was sprawled out on top of her, his hands buried in her hair, his mouth making love to the curvature of her throat. He purred soft words in her ear, gentle words in his own language even though it was not meant for any other than the dwarves.

She was wearing only a silken robe; one that was doing a poor job of covering her skin. He descended her body, his roughened fingertips dragging freely over the curves of her flesh. They urged apart the sides of the robe, exposing her from head to toe to the cool air. His lips found her collarbone as his hands found her shoulders. Again, his mouth made work of her flesh, leaving it raised and shiny, marked with his teeth.

His face dove between her breasts as his hands found her hips. He was whispering again, this time in Common, “Your skin is creamy and so soft. I want to taste all of it.” His hands cupped her ass, his mouth delved into her navel.

Tauriel wanted to desperately do something, anything… but she appeared to be no more than a spectator in this dream.

His tongue dipped into the valley of her belly and she called out, her body shivering. “Kili,” she gasped and woke herself.

Her hand slapped down on the table, her eyes rocking open as she found herself exactly where she had left herself: in the library, alone. She shivered, suddenly feeling too cold and too exposed. She wrapped her arms around herself. Kili had never kissed her in life… and in death, she found herself with him intimately. She was not in control of these dreams, she could not speak, could not move. Yet she found herself comfortable, warm, loved. Are these Kili’s dreams? Was she intruding upon his world when she slept?

She pulled yet another tomb from the wall and began to read over the Valar and their spouses. She gleaned what she could before the rumbling in her stomach became too much to bear. She dusted herself off, put away her items and wandered back to the terraces where dinner was being shared among the elves.

The harps and flutes were musical and delightful, but something inside her felt unfulfilled. She desired something more hearty, something more emotional. She recalled the dwarves, their voices nearly wind-drowned, so deep and full of sorrow for the loss of their King and kin. She wished she had stayed behind to listen.

Dinner was a root stew, boiled carrots and leafy greens in a vinaigrette sauce, tossed with toasted nuts and dried fruits. She swallowed her food and felt full, yet not satisfied. She craved something heavier, something fleshy. While her people did eat meats, they usually did so during large feats so that the entire animal is consumed. They make leathers from the hides, arrows and tools from the bones and stews from all parts of the flesh.

Left feeling unsatisfied with her surroundings, Tauriel chose to wander the woods as the sun fell between the mountains. She inhaled deeply of the air, scented the flowers and the herbs, touched the bark of the trees, the lichen on the stones and gazed at the stars as they were slowly unveiled through the night’s sky and between the trees. The life of the Earth renewed her. She felt better, more in tune with herself and with her life.

It was time to sleep. Time to see Kili. Another chance to find him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I still need to edit this somehow. Working, working.

“Tauriel.”

Her arms wrapped around Kili, crushing him to her chest.

He returned the hug, his arms encircling her firmly. “You came back,” he sighed, sounding relieved.

“Of course.” She dropped a kiss to the top of his head before lifting his face to hers. “Why wouldn’t I?” She searched his face for meaning, her lips tensed as she fought not to frown.

“I fear you grow weary of missing me. That your heart hardens in my absence. That you forget.” Kili’s fingers found her hair and began to thread into it. His eyes were soft, his face open.

“It’s only been one night, dearest. How could my heart change in a single day?”

“I don’t have a good sense of time, in this place.” He gestured to the surrounding dark before pressing his forehead to hers. “I fear you will not love me…” he bit his lip, eye swelling with the shine of tears.

“Forever,” she breathed. “In this life, and the next. I am coming for you. I will bring you back to Middle Earth. Back to Erebor. But first, I must find you. Kili, where are you?”

Kili took a step back, his arms spread wide. “That, I cannot help you with. I find myself stuck. I traveled over there, and over there, taking a great walk for an unknown length of time and found myself here, as always.”

Tauriel’s brow furrowed as she struggled to understand.

“No matter how far I walk, I cannot leave this spot.” He took her hand and tugged her to his side again, “Look, over there. Do you see?” He pointed into the distance, to something in the darkness.

She squinted in the dark, momentarily unsure where or what he was pointing at. And then she saw it: a tree. It was golden and glorious with leaves that glowed as the sun. She could hear music, the sounds of growth and sunlight. In another moment, it was gone.

“And here, look again!” He turned her around and she waited for her eyes to see: another tree. This one was pale yet luminous, shining as the moon itself. She could hear the starlight twinkling in the dark. And soon, it was gone.

“The Two Trees,” she whispered, her eyes wide. She grasped Kili by the shoulders as she stared out into the darkness. What was the meaning of their presence here? “The Sun and the Moon.”

“I can’t get to them. Try as I might. They disappear and reappear as they please. Not to mention I can’t seem to be able to move from this single spot! I walked and I walked. Mostly now I just sit here and dream.”

Taken from her stunned revelation by Kili’s admission, she rounded on the dwarf and gave him a stern look. “Kili, you dream of me?”

He smiled at her and nodded, “Of course I do.”

Her face did not soften, “Oh?” Her eyebrows rose.

Kili blinked, his innocence maintained with his charming smile.

She stood, arms folding themselves across her bodice. “And when you dream of me?”

Kili’s face clouded as he attempted to catch her meaning. He paused, his hands motioning to her and to him. “Tauriel, are you saying that you dream as I dream? That’s why you’re here, right? In your dreams? I’m dreaming… I’m dead. I must do nothing but dream. Maybe this is all a dream…”

She waited.

“You’re in my dreams! You’re here – here, in my dreams! In my… oh. Ooh…” He had the decency to turn red and sit down, his face in his hands. “Tauriel,” he began, his eyes turning up at her, pleading, “You must understand…”

She pursed her lips. Her stance remained firm.

“I… I don’t have an excuse. I just… You’re beautiful. You’re all I can think about. You’re… amazing. You’re smart. You’re deadly. You’re inspiring. You’re… Please understand. I do not think of you only in …that regard. I imagine you only as I am a man, and as I am dead, I cannot make you my wife. So I dream of it. I dream of taking you as a man takes his wife, yes.”

“You imagine me…”

“Yes, please, do not…”

“As your wife?”

“I…” Kili stood, his hands reaching for her, yet unsure. “How else would I imagine you?”

Tauriel remained stiff. She was not familiar with the intimacies of love in a physical sense. She had knowledge, of course, just not personal, primal knowledge. As an elf she was still young in the world. She had yet to come to full maturity in many of the eyes of her people. At times she felt as though that only meant she didn’t have the time to become cold and unfeeling. She found the elders of her race to be a prejudicial, hard people with little regard for things other than themselves. But married? So early? To Kili? “Would you have- would you have intended- that is, if you had not been killed before my very eyes- which, was awful, by the way, might I add. But, what you mean is- what you would have done is…”

Kili took her hands with little resistance. He pulled her to him, tiptoeing up to skim his mouth over hers, “I would. What I mean to say is… I would have, without a doubt, sought your hand in marriage. I mean to say, as I loved you with my last breath, that I would have lived my life showing you how a dwarf would adore a woman till his dying – something that would have happened a lot later – and aging day.”

She remained silent. Kili misunderstood her lack of response and continued, thinking he had shamed her with his indecent thoughts.

“I am sorry, dearest, that I had imagined you in such an intimate way. I am… preoccupied with your beauty and there is little else to think of. I shall strive to treat you better in my dreams, but please understand my dreams are not necessarily in my own control… My mind, it wanders… And should you be my wife, I see no harm in the acts I dreamt of… I would, uh, often want to show you through, uh, physical demonstration, that is, how pleased I would be to have you at my side… and beneath me… and above me.”

Tauriel was jerked from her sudden silence with a startled and friendly gasp of partially feigned embarrassment. “Kili,” she murmured, somewhat warningly, “You have yet to ask me for my hand, much less to marry me. Should you not refrain from uttering such things with a lady?”

The twinkle in his eye returned as Kili gave her a rakish smirk. “Perhaps. Though you don’t seem unwilling to entertain the idea…” He tugged her down to him, which she allowed with a laugh, and planted small kisses across her brow. “And as I am dead, I cannot rightfully ask for your hand. Would you deny a man his dreams in his death? Am I to be as cold and unfeeling as my bones in the dirt?” He canted his face and drank deeply of her lips for a short feast, “Or would you allow a dead man his only respite? To dream of the woman he loved as he would love her in life!”

She felt the tug on consciousness call her. Her hands slipped through his hair and down the width of his jaw. “I wouldn’t dream of denying you. See you tomorrow.”

Kili’s mouth found hers moments before she awoke. She touched her lips, still feeling the gentle scratch of his beard.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I love Kili, Aragorn... is, well... Aragorn.

Arwen was not at breakfast that morning. The King, Elrond, could be seen pacing back and forth through his halls, his eyes downcast, his brow furrowed. Tauriel, thinking she may know exactly what causes his distress, was somehow pleased to see a man drove to such a state. She ate her food on the terrace regardless, feeling less alone as the elves no longer gazed at her through the sides of the eyes. Smiling to herself and enjoying her secret, she finished her meal and set off to find her horse.

Rivendell was unlike her home as it was not in a giant forest filled with deadly and aggressive spiders. It was in a wood, yes, but an open one where the sky shone through the treetops and the wind tasted fresh and clean. The mountains rose high on the East, the snowy peaks still white through the summer. The forest grew on the West. Water rushed through great rivulets and aqueducts, rushing free over falls and stones. All around her were sounds of life and peace.

Having found her horse resting happily in the stables, she took him out for a ride. She stayed on or near the roads, her horse more or less leading the way as she did not have a true destination. They found a grassy meadow for him to graze and Tauriel found herself a rabbit to roast upon a makeshift spit.

As she was cleaning the skin, she stared upon the tree line, certain she saw her friend on horseback, pausing to enjoy the shade. She did not wish to alarm Arwen, but Tauriel was certain she saw a figure sneaking up on the unknowing elf. Drawing her bow, Tauriel released her breath as she released her warning shot.

Arwen’s head turned swiftly to follow the whistling path of the arrow that shot past her. Still thrumming with power, Tauriel’s arrow nearly took off an eyebrow of a man as it was lodged in a tree truck before him. His sword lifted slowly, arms outstretched, his mouth moving as he chanted lowly. He spoke in their tongue, his eyes on Tauriel as she readied another arrow. He dropped his sword, his body coming into the clearing, the sun on his face.

“I am not here to harm anyone,” he spoke to her from across the field. He knew she could hear him. “I am here to see Arwen. I followed her here. I do not wish to harm anyone.”

“Then why sneak in the shadows?” Tauriel nearly shouted, unsure if he could hear as well as her.

Arwen galloped her horse to Tauriel’s side and dismounted to greet her friend, eyes bright, her mouth open in laughter. “Tauriel. He is Strider.”

Refusing to remove him from her sights, she remained at ready, prepared to kill him. “He is the man I love,” the other elf explained, laughing. Tauriel lowered her weapon and secured it to her back and shoulder. “My apologies, Strider. I mean only to protect those dear to me,” she yelled.

Aragorn smiled. It was soft and welcoming, yet full of unknowns. He collected his sword and met Tauriel and Arwen in the clearing. “It is good to know that Arwen has such good archers as friends. Few could have given me such a close shave. I think I may know one other…”

“Legolas.” Tauriel breathed a sigh. There was no other as Bard remained in Dale and Kili was, well, dead. She had spent so much time with him and never had the chance to say goodbye. Their parting was as it should have been, she thought, but her heart knew she wanted to have said more.

Aragorn regarded her, hearing more than just a name in that one word. He brushed Tauriel’s horse, smoothing out the knots in his mane. “You must be Tauriel.”

The red haired elf bowed her head silently. She returned to her seat and began to finish her previous task of cleaning the rabbit’s skin. It didn’t really matter how Aragorn knew her name. It was equally as possible that either Legolas or Arwen has mentioned her.

“I’ve only known Legolas a short time,” he crouched over her small fire, hands moving the hot stones placed in a circle to help prevent it from spreading. “He came from the Lonely Mountain.” His calloused palms cupped the stones without flinching.

“When you see him again, please tell him I will see him when I return from Valinor. I must collect something I am missing,” she met his gaze only briefly, her hands working on their own as her mind remained cluttered with mixed emotions.

Aragorn, sensing the elf’s unwillingness to discuss the topic, quietly regarded her and seated himself near Arwen. “I look forward to telling him.”

Tauriel suppressed her smile. He knew Legolas well after all. She could only imagine the response that would race through Legolas’s face.

The rest of the afternoon passed peacefully. The three shared wine, bites of rabbit and cheese. They laughed and Tauriel watched her friend come alive in a way she could only describe as the same way she felt when she was near Kili. Arwen loved Strider. No matter what her father wished or hoped for.

“Do you remember when you first met?” Tauriel rest her chin in her hands, elbows on her knees. She felt caught up in the moment and as young at heart.

Aragorn gave a low laugh. “Do you know the story of Luthien?” He regarded Tauriel with a gentle smile. When he was cheerful, the man looked warm, welcoming and kind. Yet something about him stayed distant and hardened, his life, less than one of ease, was written in lines near his eyes and mouth.

Tauriel nodded slowly. Luthien was daughter of Thingol. She fell in love with a mortal man named Beren and died for it.

Arwen’s cheeks glowed, her face turning as she attempted to hide her flush.

“When I met Arwen for the first time, I thought she was Luthien, the most beautiful elf in all the world. I knew I loved her in that moment.”

Whispering, she reached out and took his hand, “And I, you,” she kissed the back of his hand.

The heat, the fire, that filled Aragon’s eyes was lost not on Tauriel. He gazed at Arwen with a longing that was clear and palpable. She felt her emotions bubble up over the bowl that was her heart, her throat working as she felt a sorrowful happiness fill her.

Kili looked at her that way. He gazed upon her like he wanted to wrap her up and protect her from the world. The heat that filled his eyes when he looked at her would warm her for centuries.

Arwen and Strider left as the sun fell, both bidding her sweet dreams.

Ensuring her fire was well covered, Tauriel made her way back to Rivendell, understanding that the love that bound her was not simply an infatuation that was overwhelming, but the longing for the other part of her soul. She would complete her quest and return Kili to his body or she would die of a broken heart.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always thought that time would be different to the dead. And when one is dead, what of their memories?
> 
> I am in love with Ed Sheeran's song I See Fire on the Hobbit soundtrack. If you haven't heard it yet, you must listen...
> 
> http://youtu.be/2fngvQS_PmQ
> 
>  
> 
> _Now I see fire_  
>  Inside the mountain  
> I see fire  
> Burning the trees  
> And I see fire  
> Hollowing souls  
> I see fire  
> Blood in the breeze  
> And I hope that you remember me  
> 

“Kili?”

“Tauriel!” The dwarf dashed from the darkness to encircle his arms around her, immediately squeezing her close. He pushed his face between her breasts and inhaled deeply, “Tauriel,” he repeated, this time a crooned and soft sound of happiness. “You’re here. It’s been so long…”

“Kili? I was here last night,” she gripped his head and pulled him to look into his eyes. “I come each night. It has only been a day.” She searched his eyes, wondering what had happened to him for him to feel that way.

“It feels as though it has been ages,” he whispered, his chin trembling, his face clouding with hurt. “I was certain you had forgotten me. I thought you weren’t coming back.”

“No, no dearest! Not an instant goes by that I do not think of you. I am coming for you!” She threaded her fingers through his hair, fingertips trailing along his jaw as she pressed her forehead to his. “I will find you, Kili. You must not forget that.”

Kili’s eyes shut as he nodded. Tears trickled down his cheeks, forced from his eyes as they filled. “I will not forget,” he promised.

With soft kisses, Tauriel cleared his face of tears. “Do not, for an instant, think that I am not coming. I am going to find you. Trust me.”

His gentle smile returned, “Amralime.”

“Mela min.” She laughed, twirling his hair through her fingers. “How do you always find a way deeper into my heart?”

He bit into his lower lip, eyebrows lifted on his forehead as his eyes roamed over the length of her body. “Is that all the depth of you I will find?”

“You cheeky … audacious…” Her cheeks flushed as she understood his meaning all too well.

“I endeavor to bring color to your cheeks,” he chuckled, pretending to be only teasing. “Your face... Your freckles… They’re so bright and beautiful.” His fingertips found her cheekbones before his lips found hers once again.

Each time Kili had kissed her, she felt as though the floor ceased to exist and the air was suddenly too thin to breathe. His mouth pressed lightly at first, perhaps asking for her permission to seek a new measure. His mouth closed as his eyes opened, lips remaining on hers. And then she felt it, the floor dissolved beneath her and the very air felt charged with electricity.

His eyes closed, his mouth slipped over hers as his head turned, the intensity of his kiss rolling through her as she had never before experienced. The warmth of his tongue had sought the curve of her lip, the taste and depth of her mouth.

Her hands, previously forgotten they had even existed, suddenly found his shoulders, the weight of her arms pulling him even closer. The flavor of his kiss exploded into her mouth, slid down her throat and filled her stomach with butterflies. Fireworks exploded behind her eyelids. 

His kiss was smooth, velvet and dark chocolate, as he savored her. As he withdrew, he watched her eyes flutter open, his smile stretching over damp lips. “Do you feel it?”

She was unable to reply, but her eyes were questioning.

“We belong together. You and I. Together, we’re complete.”

Tauriel breathed slowly, her body still tingling. Her hands found his, her palms nearly swallowed by his larger ones. “Without you, I am broken.”

He kissed her again; slowly, without exploration or expectation. He kissed her to reassure her, to set the piece of her broken heart back in place.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet dreams.

In the morning she met with Arwen. The other elf smiled ceaselessly, all too pleased with herself and uncaring of the fretting her father had done. She ate heartily and was animated at the table. “So, how is he?”

Arwen’s cheeks were touched with a flame. “He is fine. And yours?”

Tauriel paused. Although she was pleased for her friend, she recalled how Kili had lost understanding of time. Or was it that time did not work the same way where he was? Her lower lip trembled as she spoke, “I have not found him yet. He is losing track of time. He fears I am not coming.”

Her friend sobered as she bit at her lips and nodded. Worry knitted her brow. Her hands worked together.

“Arwen, wherever he is, he can see the light of the Two Trees. I saw them with my very eyes.”

“You saw them in his dream,” she wondered.

“But were they real? Where are they?” Tauriel must have looked as desperate as she felt.

The dark haired elf did not have an answer. “The Trees were destroyed. I do not know where they would exist. I do not know where Kili waits for you. Has he no other way of discovering his resting place?”

She shook her head. Kili could not even walk away from his known spot. “Arwen. I do not know what to do. I feel like I’m losing him all over again. I have never felt so fraught with doubt and fear. It is as though my heart is once again fractured. I know this is not true. I know my heart beats, whole, in my chest. But I feel the pain as though it were shattering slowly inside me.” Her voice was soft, her eyes too tired to cry.

“Do not despair, dear friend. I will speak to my father. We will get you to Valinor soon.” She leaned over the table to kiss Tauriel’s forehead. “You are cool. You must rest. Come, I will take you to bed. You must rest a spell. Then we will speak again.”

Tauriel allowed her friend to take her to her bed and to lay her down. Arwen brought her a carafe of water and a fur blanket for added warmth. “Rest. Soon, we will speak again. I will consult my father. I will ask him about the Two Trees. We will help you. Rest. You will find him sooner than you think.”

Exhaustion taking over, Tauriel was asleep before Arwen had left her room.

She was surrounded by light. A golden field stretched around her. Music filled the air. Dragonflies danced on the breeze. She was smiling. She was happy.

Kili beckoned her to him. He stood across from his brother and before his uncle. He was dressed in a thin tunic, the top tie undone so that a triangle of flesh was kissed by the sun. He had on soft trousers and a braided belt. He looked so handsome. His smile was so welcoming.

Tauriel danced through the field to him, her feet bare in the soft grass. Her dress waved in the wind. A crown of white flowers was braided into her fiery hair. She stood before him, her hands in his. She felt so filled with joy, her heart could burst.

Flashes of light blinded her. Cheers of dwarves and men deafened her. They danced in the field among the dragonflies and the blossoms that fell in the wind. Fili and Kili. Thorin Oakenshield. His uncle had married them. He had stated, in his great rumbling voice, that it was his pleasure and honor to bring his nephew such happiness.

The laughter faded as she found herself in a low tent, a fire in the center, dozens of furs on the ground with scattered pillows. Kili was stretched out next to her, his mouth in a lazy smile, “Shall we rest?” He gazed at her, head propped up on his elbow, his free hand tracing lines down her belly. “You’re so beautiful.”

A shrill cry pierced the air. Bodies rushed around her. The pain that lanced through her spine and abdomen subsided. “She’s beautiful,” Kili held a bundle near her. “She’s amazing. You’re amazing. Thank you… thank you.” His dark head buried in the bundle, his shoulders shaking gently as he cried great, sloppy tears of joy.

She lay in bed, a gentle evening breeze fluttered the curtains on the window. The stars were shining. Kili’s fingertips dug into her hair as he pulled her closer to him. His mouth slipped over hers, hands dragging down her sides with practiced ease. His hair had silvered at the temples, his beard shot through down the center of his chin. He was striking. Wrinkles collected at the corner of his eyes, emphasized when he smiled and laughed.

His warm hand spread over her belly, thumb stroking her soft skin. “You have given my life meaning,” he breathed into her throat as his lips trailed to her shoulder. He nipped her gently, teeth dragging down the shoulder of her night shirt. “You gave me life when all else was lost,” he kissed across her collarbone to her sternum. “You gave me children to continue my line,” across the other collarbone to her other shoulder. “You give me joy and happiness in times of darkness,” her shirt seemed to slip off altogether. “You give me starlight and hope.”

He kneeled between her thighs, his hands smoothing along her flesh as though he needed to work to memorize it all over again, “I am yours; in this life and the next. My lungs fill through your words. My heart beats through your smile. My blood rushes from your touches.”

He slipped down the length of her body, his face aligned with her navel. “Allow me to demonstrate my gratitude… my love… my complete adoration. I love you, body and soul. My star; my Tauriel.”

His mouth made love to the heated center between her thighs, his hands exploring her body as it twitched and trembled. He fed from her, swallowing and nibbling, his tongue exploring worlds between her, inside her. He twisted his fingers inside her and she cried out his name.

Tauriel woke as she sat straight up in bed. Her heart thudded in her chest. Were these Kili’s dreams again? Was she seeing what he sees? Or was she gifted with the future? She had seen her wedding, her life with him. She had given birth. She was happy. He was happy.

Tears, warmed from the happiness that swelled in her heart, trickled down her smiling cheeks.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So gooey...
> 
> The last night Tauriel will be able to speak to Kili in his dreams. Will she be able to find him?

“Tauriel!”

Arwen rushed to her friend, “You leave tomorrow! Pack your things!”

Aghast, the red haired maiden could only gape, “Tomorrow?”

Delighted to share the news, Arwen swept her friend to the balconies for dinner. “My father loves another – my mother. She is away in Valinor. She will not return to Middle Earth. His heart aches for her. He knows he must go to her, but he is not ready yet. He knows what it is like to wait. But do not share with him that you know! It will not put you in his favor!”

Still stunned, Tauriel could hardly eat. “Tomorrow,” she murmured.

Smiling widely, Arwen grasped her friend’s hands, fingers threading together. “You will travel to an unknown land. You will face unknown obstacles. You do not know the way,” she squeezed firmly, the apprehension gathering on Tauriel’s face. “But you will climb mountains and move oceans. You will find Kili. You will bring him back to himself. And you will live and love him until he turns to stone and you into starlight.”

Overwhelmed with the certainty of her travels ahead, Tauriel could only nod. “I will,” she whispered.

“Remember: your heart will decide. Let no one else.”

There was no moon that evening; the stars shined their brightest. She drank from her potion and climbed into her bed that she would sleep in this last time. She breathed out and settled, nervous somehow. Was she nervous? Or excited?

“Kili!”

“Tauriel!” His arms wrapped around her, his face immediately burying between her breasts. This was his favorite way of greeting her, it appeared.

Unable to hold back the smile that broke upon her, Tauriel felt her face warm and her heart flutter. Her fingers dove into his hair as she held him against her. “Kili, I’m leaving for Valinor in the morning. I’m coming to get you.”

“How much longer?”

“I cannot say. I am still unsure as to where you are. I must find Aule. Aule will know where you are. He will know how I can bring you back.”

“It’s getting harder to remember,” Kili breathed, his arms tightening around her middle, his face pressing deeper against her. “I feel as though I am losing myself. I fear of what will happen to me. Will I disappear? Where will I go?”

She wrapped him up in her arms and kissed the top of his head. “This world is unknown. But know this: no matter where you go, in life or death, I will find you.”

Kili dragged his hands free from her waist to tangle in her hair and bring her down for a fierce kiss. “How do you do that? You make me believe it.”

“Because I believe it,” she whispered against his mouth, eyes searching his. “I will never stop looking. I will find you in life, or I will find you in death. But nothing will stop me from being at your side. I know that it is written for me.”

“Kiss me again,” he murmured. “Kiss me a thousand times. It shall never be enough.”

“Kili,” she spoke between kisses, nibbles and licks, “I must tell you...”

“I breathe on your every word. Tell me,” he managed as he continued to dapple her lips.

“I won’t be able to see you here once I leave. Arwen warned me that the magic will change. Tonight is our last until I find you.” She had his complete attention.

Distress darkened his face. “What if… Without you here, I may forget… What can I do, Tauriel? What will happen to me? I need to be here. Here, so you can find me!”

Without thinking, Tauriel grasped a lock of her hair, and with a blade, cut it off. She tied a short thread of ribbon around it. “Here. Take this. Hold onto this and remember.”

Taking the long lock of hair into his fist, he kissed the back of his hand and pressed it to his chest. “I will.”

She gazed upon him, determination wrinkling his brow, his jaw set. “That’s the face of the man I fell in love with,” she marveled, her hands mussing his hair.

Delighted, he laughed and swept her into his arms, “And I fell in love with a gorgeous warrior who is as skilled with her blades as she is with her bow. She has a smile as warm as the forges and eyes that shine like mithril.”

“Kili,” she nuzzled into him, “When I find you…”

“I’ll spend every day and night worshipping you from head to toe. I’ll spend my life loving you. That is, if you’ll have me,” Kili’s dark eyes were filled with adoration. He held her hands against his chest.

She pressed her forehead to his, “You must show me the firemoon. I will show you the stars. Goodnight, my love. I will see you soon.”

With that, Tauriel awoke to the sun climbing into the sky. She gathered her items as she began on the road to the docks. Today, she would leave Middle Earth and sail for the unknown.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's difficult to write of places that exist only slightly.
> 
> Mentie is Quenya for "journey, direction, passage." It is more ancient than Sindarin.

They travelled in silence. They travelled quickly. By dark, Tauriel was settled onto her ship that would take her across the sea. She climbed into her hammock, unable to sleep as she stared off into the sky. The sounds of water slapping the sides of the boat seemed so foreign, she was certain she wouldn’t sleep at all. The stars moved in her vision, rocking with the motion of the boat as it continued on.

She shut her eyes and counted backward from one hundred. She would set foot on a new continent. She would face immortals in the lands of gods and timelessness. She would seek out the dwarven maker and beg him for the soul of the man she loved. She would climb mountains. She would move oceans.

Sleep came in fits and flashes. Dreams were broken images of anxiety and confrontation. She was awake before the sun and watched, feeling as though she moved too slowly, as the shoreline of another world came slowly into view.

As they neared the docks, there was a sound of a great splash. Moving to see better, Tauriel saw no one else was concerned. She was about to disregard the sound as something common for docks when something alive surfaced and struggled. Again, no one seemed to notice. Her fellow elves didn’t even twitch an ear, much less move a fine hair to even observe what may be drowning. Two arms splashed in the water, their fight mighty, but a losing battle. A cry burst from the drowning figure, full of terror.

Tauriel yanked off her weapons harness. Still, no one was acknowledging the event in the water. She flung herself overboard and dove into the cool waters, swimming quickly to the flailing form.

A dog! A giant, hairy, terrified dog! Tauriel had never seen one so large. As she neared, the beast reached out for her and dragged her under the surface with its massive paws. It was attempting to stay above water by shoving anything and everyone – Tauriel - underneath him.

Once upon a time, she had found herself in a lake with Legolas. Once upon a time, they were fighting. Well, they were sparring. But the competition had become a tad intense. Cuts were made. Clothing had been torn. Shoes were lost. They had tumbled into a lake and the battle raged on with fists, hand spears and the trashing of legs.

The fight was leaning in Tauriel’s direction and so Legolas had yanked her by her hair and shoved her head under the water. Outraged, she attempted to swim to the surface through him. He would not relent; he used his weight to keep her below and the buoyancy was against her. She scratched and clawed at him, but he would not release her.

It was not until she shoved off of Legolas and deeper into the water that she was able to free herself. She had then managed to surface, wrap her legs around his neck, and nearly strangle him to death. She remember the aftermath fondly. They had exhausted each other, floated aimlessly to the shore, and dried themselves while bickering over who actually won the water battle.

Her lungs burned, but she remembered her lesson from that day all too well. Shoving off the dog and down, deeper into the water, she surfaced behind the squirming beast and wrapped a single arm across its great neck. She tugged and pulled, kicking steadily as she pinned the beast to her side along its back, forcing those flailing limbs into the air. She released the dog when they entered the shallows. The dog was nearly large enough to stand in the same depth as her. He regained his footing and without a single glace her way, he bounded away, shook himself and retreated down the shoreline into the distance.

Tauriel sighed. She received no thanks except the lingering smell of wet dog and sopping leathers. She made her way to the docks to retrieve her items. Not a soul bothered to even ask her why she had jumped overboard or mentioned the gigantic dog that nearly drowned her. And thankfully, no one mentioned anything about the way she smelled. From the docks Tauriel and the other elves made the trek up the side of the hill to the city that broke through the clouds. In the distance, white peaks of the Pelori mountains towered over the spires. The sky looked heavy with rains and dark with intent. The wind picked up, throwing her hair in her face. Tauriel hurried, wanting to get to the city before the rains crashed down on her.

“Tauriel.” A voice she did not recognize called out to her from the streets. She turned, unaware of who was calling her.

“Tauriel,” stated a tall elf. He stood by a mare, her saddle stocked with supplies.

“Yes, I am Tauriel. And to whom do I owe the honor?” She shifted her pack and her knives, unsure if she could get to them quickly enough if necessary.

“You will not need those.” A smile, a genuine smile, stretched across his suntanned face. “And here, I have brought you a horse and supplies for your journey.”

Tauriel held her breath. “I do not have anything…”

He waved a hand and chuckled lowly, “No. It is from Lorien. He has foreseen your passage.” A delicate eyebrow rose, his mouth slanted in a knowing smirk, “And he has seen your dreams.”

A blush rose over her face unbidden. “I..”

“He wishes you a safe and swift journey.” He reached out, handing the reins to the mare to her. “This is his gift. Her name is Mentie.”

She took the elves’ gift, her hands rubbing down the side of the mare. “Thank you. Tell your master, thank you.” She turned to smile before climbing onto her mount and found the tall elf gone.

“Mentie. Your master is a kind one. Come, we must go. I must find Aule. Take me through the Pelori mountains.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Valar don't "meddle." But the Valar can see into our hearts.

The sky broke as she departed the city. She slipped a cloak overhead, the wind blowing the rain hard against her back. Mentie led her up the side of the mountains, carefully avoiding the loose rocks and slippery patches. But soon the rain was becoming too much; the air was freezing and the rain was stinging.

Mentie took Tauriel off the path to an evergreen so large, Bag-End could have fit in its well. The branches moved on their own accord, the needles giving way to a path underneath the great tree. Together, both horse and elf found themselves at a warm, dry and delightful campsite.

Surrounding the base of the tree sat benches of stone. A shallow hole and another circle of stones served as a fire pit. A pile of grasses and leaves served as a bed. Behind them, the branches closed off the exit silently.

Nestled at the foot of the great tree, the howling wind was silenced and the pounding rain was forgotten. Tauriel hung up her wet clothes and the soaked saddle and blanket. She built a small fire and dug through her supplies for a light dinner for herself and oats for Mentie.

The weather was frustrating. She did not know this land and it was very difficult to find landmarks when you cannot see five feet ahead of you. Poor Mentie wasn’t shielded from the onslaught and was soaked through. The mare took turns with her sides and flanks closer to the small fire to warm and dry herself before kneeling in the soft earth to rest. Tauriel ensured she was dry before spreading a blanket out on the leaf pile and lying down.

She hoped this weather cleared soon. She only knew she was to get to the Pelori Mountains. From there, she must find Aule, the Maker. But she wasn’t going to get anywhere with winds and rain in her face. “Kili,” she mouthed to herself. “I’m going to find you.” She stared up the trunk of the great tree. The branches thickened as they climbed toward the sky, blocking any view of the outside world. She wondered if the stars could be seen through the storm. She wondered if Kili would have liked to have spent the night under a tree with her. Closing her eyes, she willed herself to sleep.

Her dream felt fuzzy; it would not come into focus. She was in a wooded glen; the night air hummed and glowed with small creatures as they flitted about, creating light trails as they chased each other, giggling and laughing. There was a tree filled with glitter; it was though the stars nestled in the leaves and branches. They sparkled and shone as the leaves moved with the gentle zephyr that silkily slid through the air.

She heard a splash and a deeper voice laugh. Her breath caught in her throat as she made her way around the tree to view a small pond and Kili perched on the edge of it, his bare feet and shins dipped into the bright water. All around him small creatures played and splashed, their wings flickering like those of a fairy. “Kili!” she smiled almost shyly. He turned to her and his face opened into a smile that plucked the strings of her heart. “Tauriel!” he shouted as he climbed up and rushed to her. As always, he pressed his head to her breast and clutched her tight against him. “My Tauriel… You came.”

She dropped kisses onto the top of his head, “I will always come for you.” She held him for a moment before her attention was grasped by the flying forms, the giggles and the sprites. “Kili. Where are we?”

“I’m not sure. Lorien found me in my dreams in the dark. He brought me here and told me to wait for you. But he assured me that this is only my dream and that you cannot find my soul here.”

“Your soul?”

“Lorien told me so. He explained that Aule created us as his people. But the great one, the Shaper, Eru, he accepted us as his children and imbued upon us his mark. A piece of us lives on just like the Men and the Elves. But we do not go to the Halls of Mandos as we are children of Aule. He has something else for us.” He shrugged, not knowing any more as her eyes questioned him.

“Lorien.” Tauriel wondered. “The master of dreams. Why would he want to help us?”

“Why wouldn’t he? He sees our dreams. He knows what we truly want. He understands how I feel about you.”

Tauriel traced her fingertips down the line of his beard, tipping his face to hers. “And what does he understand?”

Kili’s mouth pulled into a dashing smile, his nose and cheeks glowing, “He understands that my love for you is undying and true.”

“True?” She rubbed her nose over his, soft scrapes of her lips urging him on.

“In my love of you, I do not wish to possess you. I wish only to worship you; to accompany you. I wish to bring you happiness. Your happiness is mine.” His eyes sought hers as his lips closed over hers. He watched her as the sensations of realization and depth came over her. He watched as her eyes closed and her body softened against his.

He parted only far enough to speak her name across her lips, before sealing his mouth to hers again. His hands felt as though they truly ached to touch her as they fell down the curve of her waist and hip. His arms tightened around her, pulling her firmly against him. He tasted her, savored her, and suckled her.

Tauriel felt her fears slip away. Kili was safe. She wound her fingers through his hair and returned his tight embrace. She pulled away as his teeth delicately dragged down her lower lip, his breath hissing as he groaned.

“Kili,” she breathed deeply, “We must not forget where we are.”

Grinning foolishly, his eyebrows waggling, “In my dreams?” he growled, attempting to bring her back to his kiss.

Giving him only a small peck instead of his desired depth, Tauriel reminded him, “Given by the Valar. Let us not be rude.”

Kili pouted rather impatiently. “Yes, yes. I am thankful to the Valar. I will also thank the Valar when I am returned to my body…” and more quietly he rumbled to himself, “And I can get you alone.”

Tauriel took his hand in hers, fingers threading with his. “Dearest. Let us rejoin your company. I wish to rest my feet in the pool.”

Kili sighed, resigned to having his dreams be far less passionate than he had hoped, but filled with laughter and delight. He and Tauriel stuck their bared feet and shins into the cool waters of the pool and watched the sprites play and dance. They leaned on each other and splashed playfully, the moon and the night filled with magic.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there.

Tauriel woke to Mentie nibbling her fingertips. She felt rested and at ease. Before the previous evening, she had feared terribly for Kili’s soul. There were too many unknowns to contemplate and she felt certain that if she did not hurry, his essence would be lost forever to her. She knew now that he would be kept safe: Lorien had sheltered him. Her fear of losing him again had been an immense burden and it would no longer bend her under its weight.

She scratched the impatient mare under the chin and gathered her belongings. The great tree offered her the most pleasant stay. Bowing slightly, she extended her hand from her heart in reverence to its greatness. The branches parted ways, showing her the way out.

The morning in Valinor was beautiful. Early dew and late fog settled over the trees at the foot of the mountains. Great peaks rose above, their white tips pierced the clouds that gathered over them. The air was fresh and cool, scented with the blooming flowers and the grasses. Tauriel closed her eyes and faced the sun, letting it warm her.

Mentie nudged her shoulder and nibbled on her harness. “Yes, you are right. I am sorry to have been distracted. Are these the Pelori Mountains? Aule lives southwest of them. Do you know the way?” Mentie pawed at the earth, her teeth clacking on her bit.

Together, Mentie and Tauriel climbed their way through the foothills and to the Cleft of Light. Here was the only passing through the mountains. In the distance, spires from an ancient city could be seen. Derelict and unkempt, the spires looked as though they could collapse at a single breath of wind. A great fissure of land scarred the earth, its open maw still looking raw even though it had worn the centuries. “Tirion…” 

The mythical city of the Noldor elves; home of Finwe. It lay under rocks, rubble and in ruin. Mentie paused at its edge as Tauriel looked over the buried city. It was said that the army of Men from the West, the Numeor were kept under the rocks. It appeared to have remained untouched centuries later. Here lie the ancestors to Strider’s people. Here, hundreds lay undisturbed and but not forgotten. Bowing her head, she moved on.

The path turned to the south, the trail leading them through the foothills of the Pelori. Great fields stretched out along the horizon. The waving grasses looked like glittering gold that shook and swooned, bespelled by the tempting winds. As the afternoon hours stretched on and the sun began to sink down over the hills, Tauriel and Mentie made camp. They found a stream to replenish the skins and bedded down on the soft grass.

Tauriel tended to the mare, ensuring she was well fed with grasses and oats before taking her meal and resting. She brushed out the snarls in her mane, removed stickers from her hair and inspected her shoes for wearing. The mare was grateful and nudged the elf with her nose, lips nibbling at her shoulder. Tauriel made her bed, the gentle giant lying down near, and the two shut their eyes.

The sounds of giggling reminded Tauriel that she was once again in the Gardens of Lorien. Sprites zipped through the air, their trails illuminated as they darted from tree to tree, dancing and laughing with each other. The world was fuzzy, the air filled with the scent of moon flowers.

She found Kili at the pond again, his bare feet soaking. He dashed to greet her, his arms encircling her. “I know you were not gone for long this time.” He grinned up at her, eyes alight. “I have not forgotten myself or forgotten my love for you.”

“May you never forget it,” Tauriel chided teasingly. She toyed with his hair, fingertips carding through the dark strands before skimming the shorter hairs of his beard. How she adored this man. How strongly she felt about him was only intensified when he was near. “I am so thankful. Bless Lorien. Bless the Valar.”

Kili pulled her down and kissed her nose, his forehead resting on hers. “And I am thankful for you. Without you, I do not know what would have happened to me. Though I fear what happened to my king and my brother.”

Nodding silently, Tauriel felt a blade of sadness knife through her. She could save Kili. But she couldn’t save Thorin and Fili, could she? The stories only spoke of one man saving another. It never mentioned one man saving more. And where were Thorin and Fili? Kili had not seen or heard them since their passing from the plane of the living. He would live without them. His loss would be great.

“I shall ask Aule about their souls. I shall learn if they are peaceful.” It was all she could manage, both in words and in promises.

Kili wiped his thumbs down her cheeks, drying the streaks of tears that had fallen. “Tauriel, I only worry for their souls. Not for their lives. I know they are gone. I only hope they do not exist in darkness and in fear.”

Feeling somewhat relieved that he understood she would do all that she can, but that the possible and the wanted were two very different things, she wrapped herself around him and steadied her breath. “I am sorry.”

Kili’s hands streamed through her hair comfortingly. “I’ve had time, Tauriel. I’ve had time to come to terms with what I am and what I am not. With what I will have and what I will not. I know that if I am – if you are not able to bring me back – that I will stay gone and I will have no one. I will not have my mother. I will not have my kinsmen. I will not have you. And if you can – bring me back – Tauriel, I will have them. I will have you. There is no way to bring back everything we have lost, but there is a way to save some of what I had.” He smirked, unable to remain serious for too long, “Well. Not yet. But I hope to.”

Unable to help herself, Tauriel’s laughter came out her nose and she snorted.

He laughed with her, unable to resist her mouth as he kissed her again and again. “You know, you haven’t told me yes yet.”

“You know, I can’t marry a dead man.”

Kili paused, his hands stilling her. “When I am no longer dead the first thing I want to do is hold you. I want to kiss you. Then I want to spend all the time worshiping you that I have missed. After I have proven to you that my love for you is unquenchable, I want to marry you.”

She smiled, a soft and slow smile that spread over her features like a rising sun, the heat of it warming her cheeks. “As do I. As do I.”

He stared at her for a moment, taking in the beauty that was the sun, marveling in its glow. He caught himself returning the smile, his cheeks stinging from the stretch. Shaking his head as he pulled himself from his reverie, he tugged on her hands, “Come. I want to show you something.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to sass.

Tauriel followed him, her hand in his, as he took her through the Garden. Gradually, the sprites disappeared, the air turned cooler and the sky darkened. She wondered what he could be taking her to, but for now, she didn’t really care. His thumb caressed the back of her hand, his palms engulfing hers. 

She was so caught up in how her skin felt alive with his touch that she didn’t notice the music that drifted through the air and the glow of the trees ahead of her. One tree was golden, the other pale. One scintillated with life, the other shimmered with the purest of silvers. As the trees filled her vision, her mouth fell open. “Kili,” she whispered, hushed, “The Two Trees. Are they – are they… real?”

Kili grinned at her and he turned and stared at the impossible sight in front of him. “Well, no. This is a dream since we are in the Master of Dreams’ Garden. But I knew you would want to see them.”

Tauriel’s hand tightened, her grip flexing over Kili’s.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” she breathed.

“Tauriel,” Kili murmured, tugging at her hands.

She turned to him, her face still glowing in amazement. “Thank you, Kili. Thank you.”

He reached up, the back of his hand stroking down her cheek. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The Two Trees are dull and lifeless compared to you. You are the one that fills me with love and life. You are the one who makes my blood flow, who makes my heart beat. I will show you everything in this world, and in any other, but I will never find anything more beautiful.”

Tauriel’s smile trembled as her cheeks warmed. She leaned into his hand, following as he led her to him, his lips sealing over hers in a gentle, tender kiss. “Melamin,” she whispered against him.

“Armalime,” he replied. He searched her eyes, the moment stretching out before him. “When I look into your eyes, I see a world. It’s a beautiful, amazing world. There’s adventure. There’s love. There’s peace. There’s happiness. I want to be in that world.”

Her heart thudded in her chest, feeling several sizes too large. She knelt before Kili, her forehead resting upon his. Her hands remained in his, the heat of his body sinking through her.

“Tauriel,” he mused, “You make me feel as a poet.”

“Perhaps a bad poet,” she whispered, biting on her lip to keep her amusement to herself.

“A bad poet!” he laughed, tugging her into his arms. She turned, her back to his chest, his arms wrapped around her middle as they both sat in the grass before the Trees. “Perhaps I’m better with my hands than I am with my words,” his whispered playfully.

“As long as you’re not handling that dreadful sword of yours,” she grumbled, teasing him.

“I am better with my bow?” he kissed her temple, unable to resist smattering her with his affections.

“Better does not a good archer make,” she chided.

“Am I to do nothing more than disappoint you?” he sounded mournful through his smile.

“Perhaps I should leave you here so you do not die of embarrassment and shame.” She lifted one of his hands into her view, her fingertips exploring the worn knuckles.

She was so nonchalant Kili almost felt stung. Almost. “Perhaps I should show you something I am better at than you,” he groused.

“Floating in barrels?” She turned over his hand and examined the calluses.

He tossed his head back with a bark of laughter. “You are terrible! Remind me again why I want to spend my unlife with you?”

Tauriel made a soft sound as she brought his fingers to her lips. She kissed each one in succession before kissing his palm. “You once told me that with me you feel alive,” she teased the pad of his thumb with her teeth, dragging the very surface ever so lightly along their edge.

Kili’s lungs expelled the air they held with a low sound. He remained very still, somehow fearful that any motion may end this moment in time that he wanted to treasure for as long as possible.

“So perhaps it is that through me you feel as though you are no longer dead?” She bit down in his thumb tenderly, her tongue circling the edge of the fleshy morsel.

Air returned to Kili in a shuddering rush. He shifted beneath Tauriel a bit, his other arm lifting her to place her in a slightly different spot in his lap. He coughed to clear his throat, suddenly feeling at a loss. He had teased her, but she was suddenly turning the tables on him in a very powerful way.

“Tauriel,” he sighed, unsure if he wanted to warn her of her actions or encourage them. He was nearly squirming under her ministrations and she had barely begun to touch him. Oh, how she could unravel him!

She returned his hand to her middle, fingers threading with his. “I can hear your heart beating,” she offered to him, her head turning slightly as to press her nose to his throat. “Your pulse. It’s racing.”

He held her tighter, his lips pressing to her head, “Alive,” he murmured. “You make me feel so alive.”

“Soon,” Tauriel promised.

And there they sat while they dreamed, the light of the Two Trees in their eyes and hope in their hearts.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Made it.

Tauriel was just finishing her pack on Mentie’s bags when a dark horse burst into view from the tall grass, a wild look in its eyes and a terrified young elf on its back. The young girl screamed for help as she struggled to hold on.

Tauriel tossed her pack and leapt to Mentie’s back, the mare understanding all too well what was happening. As one, the two launched after the runaway horse.

The ground beat underneath Mentie’s hooves. Tauriel’s hair streaked behind her. The mare was not built for speed; her breath thundered through her as though each raspy lungful would be her last. But Tauriel did not have to spurn the mare on; she pounded forward, closing in on the runaway.

The child-elf screamed endlessly, her hair blown back with her horse’s speed. She clung desperately to its mane, her legs barely reaching the horse’s belly. “Help me!” she screeched.

Mentie’s hooves tore into the earth, her ears back as she focused on getting her rider next to the terrified horse. They closed in, Tauriel’s hands reached out. With one last push, Tauriel gripped the child’s arms and yanked the girl into her lap.

Mentie slowed to a trot before stopping and letting her two riders disembark. The elf had clung to Tauriel for dear life and she now she seemed to never have suffered a fright at all. “Are you all right?” Tauriel queried, disbelieving the instant change of demeanor. 

“Oh, thank you! Yes! I’m fine! My horse was startled by some snakes. I’m just learning how to ride, you see. Yes, he’s simply terrified of snakes! I must go get him. Thank you for your help! Thank you! Good bye!” The child-elf waved her thanks as she began to jog down the road, her black horse having long disappeared into the tall grasses in the distance.

Tauriel stared after the youngling, not fully understanding what had just transpired. Mentie was damp with sweat and would need to cool off the rest of the morning. Shaking her head, she led her tired mare back to their camp to retrieve her pack and let her horse rest.

Sitting down while Mentie calmed her legs, Tauriel chewed at a piece of lembas, her eyes lidded as she faced the sun. She was unsure of where she was and how long it would be before she reached her unknown destination. She felt no fear of her surroundings; only the uncertainty of her future remained troubling. She knew that Kili was waiting for her; he would not be waiting for her if it was impossible to somehow bring him back to his body. She knew that Aule would be able to tell her the location of Kili’s soul and that Kili still dreamed of her.

She knew she would find Kili. Her heart swelled as she imagined him full of life, his smile easy and hair disheveled. He would smile up at her and she would be unable to stop from smiling back. She imagined him returned to Erebor and eventually to his mother to give back his talisman. He would be able to continue his life as he left it. And if he chose to include her, she would willingly give her life to him.

Tauriel swallowed harshly. She understood that in death Kili only had her. In life he would have so much more. She did not know if he would be patient with her and love her as truly as he spoke. Even if their love would not last, she knew she would have made this voyage and returned to have only a day in his warmth. Even if she could never return his soul to him, she would not live long without having tried.

She would wait. She would wait until his breath filled him and he had the ground beneath his feet. She would wait for him to call to her. Her heart belonged to him and would for centuries. She could wait till mountains crumbled into the seas to have him cast those eyes upon her and grace her with a smile.

As she finished packing up and climbed onto Mentie’s back, a man on horseback entered her camp. “Tauriel,” he spoke, his voice soft as to not alarm her.

Instinctively, Tauriel reached for her knives and gave herself a silent curse for packing them away. She carried one at her hip for utilitarian purposes, but was still deadly with it.

The elf raised his hands up, his horse pausing. “Tauriel,” he repeated. “I come to bring you to Kementari,” he elaborated as he watched a touch of confusion fill her face, “To Yavanna. Wife of Aule.”

Tauriel’s hands relaxed to her sides, but she was still untrusting, “I know of Kementari,” she stated, “But I do not understand why I am to see her. Aule himself knows the answers I seek.”

Retaking his lead, the elf turned and guided his horse back through the tall grasses. “My Lady wishes to speak to you before you meet her husband. If you would please follow me, I will take you to her. Then, I will take you to Master Aule.”

Mentie tossed her head and pawed at the ground excitedly. Tauriel nudged the mare along, “I suppose if you trust him, I will trust him.” Ahead, the grasses seemed to fold and bend away, exposing a path to follow. Mentie canted forward to bring Tauriel side by side with the elf.

He had dark hair that fell to his shoulders. A few pieces twisted here and there, curling and waving, seemingly unruly compared to the straight sleekness of the rest of his hair. He gave Tauriel a curious look as she followed his pace and she could see his eyes were a shade of green found only in the murkiest of emeralds dwarves dug from the earth and polished to a shine. His ears, though pointed like hers, were larger than most and lifted away from the curve of his head to stick straight into the air.

He lifted his chin regally; eyes held straight forward as his pace increased ever so slightly. Tauriel knew he was an ancient race of elf, one as old as the trees themselves. Perhaps he was one of the first to wake.

“Can you tell me more about your Lady, sir?” 

Indifference was what remained plastered to the man’s face. “You shall meet her soon enough. Then you shall know all you need.”

“I have no gift,” Tauriel attempted to further the conversation.

“You need none. She does not have use of gifts.”

From his tone Tauriel remembered that the Valar are as eternal as time and as immortal as the universe itself. A gift would be a gesture, but nothing more than that. Tauriel grew quiet as she thought about the idea of coming empty handed into the home of one of the Valar. She had not anticipated being invited into one of their homes as was unsure what proper manners were to entail.

“I do not wish to insult Her Ladyship,” Tauriel opened, hoping to receive some assistance.

“Then do not insult her,” the elf gave her, his tone still one of mild annoyance.

Understanding some of his meaning, she fell into a comfortable silence as they rode. It was early in the afternoon when a castle came into view. It was surrounded by rolling green pastures and gardens filled with every shade of flower.

“This is the home of Yavanna,” the elf announced as he paused in the road. “I ask that you continue on ahead. I have my own duties to attend to.”

Mentie did not stop. Tauriel turned in her saddle, feeling a tad abandoned, “Thank you for your guidance.”

Facing the castle of the Valar Yavanna, Tauriel gripped the reins tightly and whispered to the mare, “I hope I don’t disappoint her.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The price to pay.

The home of Yavanna was as much living as it was stone. Great reaches of ivy covered nearly every wall, giving them a very organic appearance. Great tree branches jutted from the stone, leaves and flowers of every color sprinkled over their ends. Water flowed as a gentle stream all around and small ponds filled with lilies and life sprung up here and there.

The air around her left Tauriel hard pressed to describe it. She bit her lip as she dismounted from Mentie and murmured into the mare’s ear, “It’s all magic. All around.” The horse’s ears twitched.

The entrance to the castle was a wide archway woven with honeysuckle and braided with plants that Tauriel had never seen before. The fragrances of life filled her, setting her senses buzzing.

In the center of the great chamber was the throne. It was a great tree. Its branches and limbs were thrust into the walls themselves and Tauriel realized that the castle was built in the boughs of this great tree. 

From the waters came a figure: Yavanna. Her hair was free and moving as though it blew in a gentle breeze. Upon her head was a crown of antlers. Small flowers budded and bloomed upon her crown. Her ears were large, pointed, and held jewelry of dozens of flower buds. She rose up through the surface of a pond untouched. Her arms reached out, welcoming.

“Come, my child. Come sit with me.” The Valar ushered Tauriel to a small alcove – a sitting room. Her feet touched the water, yet not a drop followed her as she stepped from the pond and onto the ground. Together, they sat at a table that grew out of the floor as Yavanna summoned a seat. Together, they drank from tea cups made of flower petals and leaves, the handles living stems.

“Tauriel, my child, I have asked you here to discuss your heart.”

Nodding, the elf stiffened, her hands gripping the cup too tightly and it crushed in her grasp, spilling her tea upon herself.

Yavanna smiled and waved her hand, the mess instantly gone and her teacup returned to its previous state. “We have watched our children fall in love for centuries. We have wept for their losses, cried for their joys. We have watched, our hearts wounded, as our children chose to stay on Middle Earth.”

Tauriel felt her stomach sink.

Yavanna continued. “We separated ourselves from Middle Earth to protect it; to protect our children. Here, in Aman, we do not suffer the slings of arrows, nor the pain of death. We are safe. We are protected. But your heart, we cannot protect. We cannot shield you from the way it aches and the way it bleeds.”

The Valar reached across the table and grasped Tauriel’s hands. “Tauriel. Do you love him?”

“I – I do not know,” a breath shuddered through her.

“Why do you say this, my child?”

Tauriel wrenched herself from her chair abruptly as she stood stiffly up. She tugged at her tunic uncomfortably and paced as she struggled to make sense of the sensations that rocked through her. “I have never experienced this terrible, sweeping emotion before. I cannot say what causes it. I cannot remain calm when I think of him. I cannot stop my heart from beating as swiftly as a racing horse when I hear his voice. I cannot stop my palms itching to feel the scratch of his beard. I cannot stop the flutter of my pulse when I dream of his kisses. This ache, this terrible and overwhelming whirlwind – if this is love, this is not what I expected.”

“Is it truly terrible?”

“It is the most wonderful thing I have ever known…” she breathed, her fingertips upon her lips. “By the gods, I feel as though I live and die as I wish for him to return and fear he cannot.” She returned to her seat, her hands cupped over the chest at her heart. “It aches. It bleeds. It thunders. It cries. It soars. My heart is no longer my own. I love him; he owns my heart.”

Yavanna smiled yet something twisted her mouth. “And Legolas?”

Tauriel paused. “Once. A long time ago. I had thought…” She smiled wistfully, the memories not as painful as they once were. “I had thought that perhaps he could love me. I had grown so fond of him. If he had ever loved me, he had never said so.”

The Valar nodded and prodded, “Would you not have followed him to the ends of the world?”

“I did,” was the whispered response. And louder, “I followed him into the thick of battle. Into the unknown. Into danger. Into the dark.”

“And what of Kili? Would you follow him?”

“No,” Tauriel responded immediately. “I would not follow Kili.”

Yavanna seemed pleased with that response. She waved a hand, her palm up in supplication as to suggest to Tauriel that the answer lies there.

But the elf was not finished. “We would go shoulder to shoulder. He would look to me when he needed help. I would look to him. He would never expect me to follow him or demand that I should. He would follow me if it pleased me. He would lead me if it pleased me.”

Yavanna pursed her lips. “And now? Kili is gone. Legolas remains.”

“Legolas has gone to find a man, son of Arathorn, somewhere to the north. He no longer waits for me. He will never again wait for me.”

“No. No, he will not,” sighed the Valar. Yavanna waved a hand, the teacups disappearing. She rose to her feet, the chair returning to the ground. “Before the next age begins, Tauriel, you are to return to us. You will complete your quest in Middle Earth. But you will return. This is my request and one that you must not ignore.”

The elf lowered her head as tears filled her eyes. She would return to Middle Earth. Her quest would be complete. She would remain there, alone, until the time came for her to return to Valinor. All this time… all this hope… for nothing. Kili…

“And you will bring Kili with you. He is not to remain in Middle Earth.”

Tauriel lifted her head, her lower lip trembling as her tears skated down the planes of her cheeks. 

“Once restored, he is not to dwell on that plane. He may live out his days as a dwarf, but when his time has come as it was intended, he will depart with you. He will exist in Aman as long as your pledge to him remains.”

From the ponds, mists of water rose. Behind Yavanna, the water created a soft, living wall. In the mist was an image of her and Kili. They were talking to each other in the dark. Tauriel gave him a lock of her hair tied with a small string. The mists cleared and Yavanna returned her gaze upon the wide-eyed elf.

“I cannot ignore your heart, Tauriel. I know the pain it feels and the wounds you have endured. I cannot mend it, but I can give it hope.”

Her tears refreshed, Tauriel held her face in her hands. “Blessed be the Valar, for by their hand we are saved.”

A voice behind her was filled with laughter. A dog’s sharp bark startled her. From the entrance came the very same elf-child Tauriel had rescued only mere hours ago. With the small elf was a large dog that looked familiar to the one that nearly drowned when Tauriel first came to Valinor.

Lifting her head from her hands, Tauriel watched as the elf-child and dog disappeared into the halls of the castle. Yavanna gazed at her knowingly.

“As I said, I cannot ignore your heart.” Turning away, she summoned the elf to follow her. “Now, come with me. We must find a way to transport your dashing dwarf from this world to his body.”

Sniffing and clearing away her cheeks, Tauriel moved to follow Yavanna, the chair and table having now completed disappeared. Something came to mind and Tauriel’s cheeks flushed, “He is pretty dashing, isn’t he?”

“Oh, child.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yavanna gives Tauriel something essential to save Kili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I've been a little busy? Sorry... =(

Yavanna ushered Tauriel into the depths of her home. Each wall was alive with a flora that seemed to breathe and sigh when the Vala was nearby. Beauty surrounded her at every turn. Tauriel felt overwhelmed.

“Do you know of the Silmarils?”

Tauriel’s head bobbed in reply as she ducked under a curl of ivy that swooped down before her, enchanted with Yavanna’s magic and craving the Vala’s nourishment. “They were destroyed. Long ago.”

“Lost, yes. But destroyed, no. It is said that they will be found after the End of the World. Their light will be released and the Two Trees shall live again.”

Tauriel paused, her fingertips kissed by eager dragonsnaps as they brushed aside the reaching plant. “End of the World?”

Yavanna gazed at Tauriel, the weight of her eyes was tremendous. “It will come. Dagor Dagorath will reshape Middle Earth.” Her sight drifted and Tauriel fell from view. She appeared to look into Time itself. “It will come,” she whispered before returning to herself. She turned away from Tauriel and began to lead her once again. “Do you know of the maker of the stones?”

“Feanor.”

“He was very talented. Fearful, vain… but no one could produce crafts such as his. He did not make only the Silmarils.”

Yavanna had stopped in a small, stone walled room. It was not filled with life or even light. Against the far wall, perched upon a golden shelf, sat a box made of the whitest alabaster Time had ever seen. The surface was carved in such relief that it appeared to have lace wrapped around it. “Open it. I cannot.”

A chill of cold sweat slicked down the elf’s back. Entering the room felt like entering a world within the world. The air was still, old and it tasted of time forgotten. With trembling fingers, Tauriel slid the lid open upon the box. Inside sat a single oval stone. It was unadorned. It was unremarkable. She glanced at Yavanna, unsure if the Vala was teasing her in some way.

“The stone can hold the soul of your loved one. It can return him to his body if you wish it.”

Turning back to the stone, she lifted it and brought it level to her face. Tauriel watched as a glassy shine gave way to a milky clearness, exposing the empty center of the stone itself. “I can put Kili’s soul in here?”

“It was once thought that Feanor intended to live forever. As he was of Noldor, he knew death would find him. It was an inevitability. As it is with all mortal souls. But he constructed a way to carry his soul so that it could be brought from within the Halls of Mandos and back into his body. It is, perhaps, how Durin the Deathless managed his many tricks. It is not ready. You must speak with my husband. Only he can unlock the powers of the stone. Take it with you. You will return it once your journey ends with us.”

Tauriel wrapped the stone in a leather before placing it in her pack. “Thank you, Yavanna.”

The Vala graced Tauriel with a smile before leading her back to the entrance to her home. “Tauriel. With your heart you have shown us a strength long forgotten by our children, your people. But you will not find the path you have chosen an easy one. There will be darkness and pain. You must remain as strong as you are today. You must love as deeply. You must have courage. Farewell, Tauriel. I will see you when you return.”

Yavanna disappeared into the living world of her home, undistinguishable from the tangle of greenery and flowers that fluttered, alive, twisting through the rooms. Jaw agape, the elf stepped away from the castle. The great boughs of the tree were filled with birds, butterflies and swarms of winged creatures.

“Come,” soothed a voice she recognized. It was the tall elf and Mentie. “I will take you to Master Aule.”

Tauriel was forced to pull her gaze from the Vala’s home. It was a moving, breathing thing. The magic filled and swished through the air. Breathing in deeply, Tauriel set the scents of Yavanna’s home into her memory. She wished to never forget this moment.

Mentie nudged her shoulder and tugged at her clothes with her lips. “Yes. We shall go. I am ready.” She climbed upon the mare’s back and gave her a good scratching along her neck. “Thank you, my friend. Bless the Valar.”

The tall elf set a slow, easy pace with his horse as they departed from the tree-castle. There was no trail, as he followed none, but the grasses waved and moved before him, giving him way.

“Thank you,” Tauriel hummed, wondering if perhaps she was too quiet. She tried again, “Thank you for your help.”

The elf’s head lifted, his ear turned to her for only a moment. If he had heard her, he chose not to acknowledge it as he continued on his path. It was minutes later he chose to break his silence. “It has been centuries since the Valar themselves have shown an interest in the lives of those unwilling to join them.” His words were carefully picked and his voice was deliberately devoid of emotion. “I cannot see what they see, but I must bow to their wisdom. You have earned their hearts.”

Flushing, Taurel’s head bowed and she did not speak again until for many hours. The tall elf seemed satisfied with words as well. He did not address her until it was sundown and time to make camp. In the field the two made a small clearing and settled down with blankets, their heads on their packs. The horses nudged against each other, noses in the shorter grasses as they nibbled and rest.

Tauriel chewed thoughtfully on dried fruit and lembas. The sky was alight with stars that seemed so foreign yet welcoming. In time, she mused, in time these will become my stars. I will return here, but I shall not return alone. A warm wind swept through the grasses, their sweet smell swirling in the evening air. Here, Tauriel’s eyes could close without the fear of orcs and goblins. Here, she could rest peacefully.

Yet the palms of her hands itched. Her fingertips tingled with the absence of her bow. She squeezed her hands together, feeling the ache of her calloused hands as they cinched shut. She missed the feel of the leather and sinew, the song of her muscles as they flexed and bunched, the work of her sword, knives and bow all too familiar and somehow forgotten in this place.

“Not yet,” she breathed. “I will return. But not yet…”

She closed her eyes, her breath slowing, as she willed herself to return to the place she belonged: with Kili.

“Tauriel!” His arms encircled her with such strength, she felt the air in her lungs disappear.

“Kili!” She returned his great hug, giving cause for the dwarf to grunt and release her.

“All right. All right, you’re stronger. I always had a sneaking suspicion.” He coughed and laughed, his fingers threading through her hair, “You are… I am amazed by you.” 

Tauriel kissed his mouth, her lips lingering as she whispered, “I wish to amaze you for always.”

“I have no doubt that you shall. Forever and always.” His forehead pressed to hers. “Will you tire of me, dearest? Will you wish to find a better mate once I am old and unable to give you all the love you deserve?” His tone was light and teasing, his smile lopsided.

“Oh, most assuredly. I must have a young man at my beck and call. He must be able to provide me humor, love, and occasionally dinner. You will certainly fail at such endeavors. The bar is way too high,” Tauriel teased right back.

“Oh-ho!” he laughed, his hands finding hers, fingers threading. “And should I craft a stool? To reach such a high bar? Would you keep me if I was taller?”

The elf tilted her head and kissed down the curve of his ear, “Shorter is good. All the better to serve me.”

Immediately Kili’s face turned a brilliant shade of red. “Tauriel,” he managed, surprised at the candor with which she spoke. “You’re…”

Her head lifted as she laughed. She delighted in his stumbling.

Kili’s mouth was open, his eyes and heart just so. He watched, memorizing every detail. He wanted to be able to recall the curve of her throat and the line of her mouth in this very moment.

Tauriel’s shoulders shook with her calming laughter. Her eyes questioned him.

“I am truly completely and totally in desperate love with you. You saved me once before. And yet again. You are… I am without words.”

“You need none.”

Kili tugged her down, his eyes taking turns feasting on her mouth and echoing the depths of hers. He kissed her. He kissed her with a depth he had found in his heart. 

Tauriel’s mouth was still wet when she woke, her blankets kicked aside and Mentie nosing at her shoulder.


End file.
